Sunday, April 5, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Lucky
There are so many stressors in life and negativities that I tend to ruminate on that I forget to count my blessings. I really should be more thankful for the things I have, not the things I don't have.
At the past couple of queer-related club meetings I've been to, I've heard a lot of coming out stories (or not) and how hard it was for some people. That made me realize how easy I have it. I always thought, since coming out, that the world was past the whole outright discrimination phase. I didn't know of anybody who had a hard time coming out. My family and friends have all been very supportive of me, and I guess that's a treasure in itself.
I'm sure my situation was based on the fact that I live in San Diego, a relatively liberal city in relation to the rest of the country though conservative in respect to Los Angeles and other nothern cities. My church never condemned gays. They were accept them, but not necessarily their lifestyle. I can live with that. They accept everybody, but not their behaviors. Though I fundamentally disagree with the thought that homosexuality is a sin, blah blah blah, I really appreciate the fact that from their point of view, they don't accept the action, but accept the person. I'm that way too. Since coming to UCLA, my whole mindset on drugs and drug-users has changed. Before, if I found out that somebody I knew smoked pot, I would totally have shut them out and saw them very negatively. Now I know, though, that that's only one aspect of a person's character... I still don't agree with it, but that doesn't mean I can't like the person overall.
The climate at my high school was very tolerant. I know for a fact that if anybody ever gave me shit for being who I am, there would be a respectable backlash against them. I'm not even talking about my closest friends. Whenever the subject of homosexuality came up in conversation and somebody said anything remotely close to "Homosexuality is a sin, gays are going to hell," etc., everybody else would automatically turn on them. I'm thankful for that, though I feel bad for that person because they just believe what they believe. I don't think anybody should be persecuted for that, even if it's a belief I don't agree with. Well, usually, anyways.
Why is it so easy to focus on the negative? It's probably because I'm so accustomed to the positive. I take for granted my loving family, my dear friends, the fact that I'm at a good school, the fact that I'm generally very happy. It's really easy to lose sight of the big picture and focus on the small things, like getting a C on a midterm. It's not even that bad! With the multiple choice factored in, I got an 88.5% overall. That's great. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
One of my favorite quotes from The Last Lecture is that experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. That's something I've lived my life by starting a couple of years ago, and as time goes by, I just realize more how true that statement is. I ended my pledge period with DLP. I forced myself out of my comfort zone to rush, then accept the bid, and I'm glad I did. The experience was not what I expected it to be, and not necessarily in a good or bad way. I felt like what they offered is not what I want in my life. Yeah, I could look back and say that my involvement with DLP was a complete waste of time. But through a different lens, I now have a clearer picture of who I am, by learning who I am not.
Alright, enough with the deep stuff. I'm reading Twilight and I love it so far. But why, why, why must Edward be a vampire? Why can't real, human guys be like him? Or at least, why can't I find one who is? I had a big disappointment last weekend... but I set myself up for it, I guess. Whatever, I have a lot on my plate already and a relationship would just add to that. A boyfriend would be nice though...
Maybe all I have to say is deep stuff. Now I can't think of anything shallower to say. I'll update when I do.
At the past couple of queer-related club meetings I've been to, I've heard a lot of coming out stories (or not) and how hard it was for some people. That made me realize how easy I have it. I always thought, since coming out, that the world was past the whole outright discrimination phase. I didn't know of anybody who had a hard time coming out. My family and friends have all been very supportive of me, and I guess that's a treasure in itself.
I'm sure my situation was based on the fact that I live in San Diego, a relatively liberal city in relation to the rest of the country though conservative in respect to Los Angeles and other nothern cities. My church never condemned gays. They were accept them, but not necessarily their lifestyle. I can live with that. They accept everybody, but not their behaviors. Though I fundamentally disagree with the thought that homosexuality is a sin, blah blah blah, I really appreciate the fact that from their point of view, they don't accept the action, but accept the person. I'm that way too. Since coming to UCLA, my whole mindset on drugs and drug-users has changed. Before, if I found out that somebody I knew smoked pot, I would totally have shut them out and saw them very negatively. Now I know, though, that that's only one aspect of a person's character... I still don't agree with it, but that doesn't mean I can't like the person overall.
The climate at my high school was very tolerant. I know for a fact that if anybody ever gave me shit for being who I am, there would be a respectable backlash against them. I'm not even talking about my closest friends. Whenever the subject of homosexuality came up in conversation and somebody said anything remotely close to "Homosexuality is a sin, gays are going to hell," etc., everybody else would automatically turn on them. I'm thankful for that, though I feel bad for that person because they just believe what they believe. I don't think anybody should be persecuted for that, even if it's a belief I don't agree with. Well, usually, anyways.
Why is it so easy to focus on the negative? It's probably because I'm so accustomed to the positive. I take for granted my loving family, my dear friends, the fact that I'm at a good school, the fact that I'm generally very happy. It's really easy to lose sight of the big picture and focus on the small things, like getting a C on a midterm. It's not even that bad! With the multiple choice factored in, I got an 88.5% overall. That's great. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
One of my favorite quotes from The Last Lecture is that experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. That's something I've lived my life by starting a couple of years ago, and as time goes by, I just realize more how true that statement is. I ended my pledge period with DLP. I forced myself out of my comfort zone to rush, then accept the bid, and I'm glad I did. The experience was not what I expected it to be, and not necessarily in a good or bad way. I felt like what they offered is not what I want in my life. Yeah, I could look back and say that my involvement with DLP was a complete waste of time. But through a different lens, I now have a clearer picture of who I am, by learning who I am not.
Alright, enough with the deep stuff. I'm reading Twilight and I love it so far. But why, why, why must Edward be a vampire? Why can't real, human guys be like him? Or at least, why can't I find one who is? I had a big disappointment last weekend... but I set myself up for it, I guess. Whatever, I have a lot on my plate already and a relationship would just add to that. A boyfriend would be nice though...
Maybe all I have to say is deep stuff. Now I can't think of anything shallower to say. I'll update when I do.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Sporadic
Now that I actually have time on my hands this quarter, I think I'll try to be less sporadic when I'm updating this thing. I learned in my writing class that fluency is really important to writing. Maybe that's why writing essays was so easy for me during elementary and middle school. I would just write down whatever came to my mind on that subject, and barely edited the results. That cut it back then, but of course it won't cut it now. Still, I really enjoy this freewriting technique.
As this new quarter came about, I realized that I had not yet accomplished many of the goals I set out to accomplish last quarter. While I made many, many new friends, I didn't feel particularly close to anybody. Looking back, I relied too much on my old friends from high school for comfort. That's not to say that I should not turn to them, but I think that the comfort they provided made it hard for me to throw myself out there and get to know my floormates and classmates better. I think I've really taken great strides in this department, however. I've made an effort to hang out with my floormates more, and I'm starting to feel much more at home here in the hall. Not that I didn't before, but you get me.
I'm also trying my best to surround myself with like-minded people. That's partly why I decided to pledge DLP, because we all have a common ground. It's kind of like band, how one common element can bring a very diverse group of people together. Seriously, this group is pretty diverse. I'm really excited to be a part of this frat though. I really like what I've seen so far.
I want to get a job. I have so much free time during the day, I could totally take on 10 hours/week easily. I hope one pops up on ASUCLA soon. I don't want to go for anything that pays less than $9.25/hour though... stupid Luvalle never called me back. Oh well, that's life.
So far I've clocked in 22.5 hour into Tales of Symphonia. This game is epic. I love it.
Let's see... what else have I been up to? Not much aside from school, friends, and gaming. My schedule this quarter is much easier than last quarter. I'm so glad I'm done with chemistry forever! So far LS1 has been pretty chill. My TA is kind of a nazi because he wants 3-5 page lab reports, but we turn them in as groups of 3, so it's not too bad. His first quiz was kind of a bitch though. Only 5 points, but the questions were like "circle all that apply" and there was no partial credit, so one wrong answer loses the whole point for you. That's kind of stupid. Physics 10 is incredibly easy so far, just review of mechanics stuff. I'll actually have to read the book after next week though, when we leave mechanics and go into stuff that I haven't seen before in AP. Oh well, shouldn't be too hard. Our textbook was written for people who have never had physics so it's very simple.
I'm really enjoying my writing class. I learned today that there's only 3 first years in the class of 18, and the professor said that it was unusual since first years don't usually take the course. It's really fun though. I loved the literature we read so far, all about Cinderella. The literary analysis that goes with it is so deep, too. For instance, in my paper I talked about how in the Grimm Brothers' version of the fairy tale, the stepsisters cut off parts of their feet in order to fit into Cinderella's slipper and fool the prince. This represents the need to conform to social conventions, and how we hurt ourselves by trying to force ourselves to be something we're not. Pretty deep for a fairy tale, isn' it?
K I'm done. I'll update again soonish.
As this new quarter came about, I realized that I had not yet accomplished many of the goals I set out to accomplish last quarter. While I made many, many new friends, I didn't feel particularly close to anybody. Looking back, I relied too much on my old friends from high school for comfort. That's not to say that I should not turn to them, but I think that the comfort they provided made it hard for me to throw myself out there and get to know my floormates and classmates better. I think I've really taken great strides in this department, however. I've made an effort to hang out with my floormates more, and I'm starting to feel much more at home here in the hall. Not that I didn't before, but you get me.
I'm also trying my best to surround myself with like-minded people. That's partly why I decided to pledge DLP, because we all have a common ground. It's kind of like band, how one common element can bring a very diverse group of people together. Seriously, this group is pretty diverse. I'm really excited to be a part of this frat though. I really like what I've seen so far.
I want to get a job. I have so much free time during the day, I could totally take on 10 hours/week easily. I hope one pops up on ASUCLA soon. I don't want to go for anything that pays less than $9.25/hour though... stupid Luvalle never called me back. Oh well, that's life.
So far I've clocked in 22.5 hour into Tales of Symphonia. This game is epic. I love it.
Let's see... what else have I been up to? Not much aside from school, friends, and gaming. My schedule this quarter is much easier than last quarter. I'm so glad I'm done with chemistry forever! So far LS1 has been pretty chill. My TA is kind of a nazi because he wants 3-5 page lab reports, but we turn them in as groups of 3, so it's not too bad. His first quiz was kind of a bitch though. Only 5 points, but the questions were like "circle all that apply" and there was no partial credit, so one wrong answer loses the whole point for you. That's kind of stupid. Physics 10 is incredibly easy so far, just review of mechanics stuff. I'll actually have to read the book after next week though, when we leave mechanics and go into stuff that I haven't seen before in AP. Oh well, shouldn't be too hard. Our textbook was written for people who have never had physics so it's very simple.
I'm really enjoying my writing class. I learned today that there's only 3 first years in the class of 18, and the professor said that it was unusual since first years don't usually take the course. It's really fun though. I loved the literature we read so far, all about Cinderella. The literary analysis that goes with it is so deep, too. For instance, in my paper I talked about how in the Grimm Brothers' version of the fairy tale, the stepsisters cut off parts of their feet in order to fit into Cinderella's slipper and fool the prince. This represents the need to conform to social conventions, and how we hurt ourselves by trying to force ourselves to be something we're not. Pretty deep for a fairy tale, isn' it?
K I'm done. I'll update again soonish.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Updates
1. I'm coming home either on Tuesday or Wednesday. Yay!
2. I think I'm crushing on a taken guy of ambiguous sexuality.
:[
2. I think I'm crushing on a taken guy of ambiguous sexuality.
:[
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Amygdala
Here's some application from my psych 10 class. Amygdala is Greek for almond. It's a part of our brains that's associated with fear, as well as smell. I can smell the fires. Due to context-dependent learning, it's easier to remember things when you're in the same environmental conditions as when you encoded the memory. I'm getting apprehensive now...
Oh well, it's partying and clubbing for me tonight!
Oh well, it's partying and clubbing for me tonight!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Where do I start?
I have so, so much to blog about. A lot of things have happened to me since my last post, and I mean a lot.
They said that college is hard. They're right. College is a bitch and a half. I studied my ass off for two weeks, TWO WEEKS for my chemistry midterm last Tuesday. I did all of the past midterms, did all of the homework, everything. I have never studied for a test so hard in my life, literally. Come midterm day, I'm feeling pretty good. I take the midterm, and... what the fuck. There's random ass stuff on there I didn't even think about studying. I made stupid mistakes that I know cost me big points. But you know what really takes the bitchy cake? Ok, so I'm also enrolled in chem honors because I didn't think it would be that big a deal. I thought I could handle it. I knew my honors shit, and I knew it well. After I go through the midterm a second time, I get to the honors questions at the back. The TAs call out the 2 minute warning. I find that I skipped an entire page of honors questions. What. The. Fuck. I throw down my answers as fast as I can, just trying to get partial credit. I didn't finish in it, but I kept working until a TA specifically told me to stop. I was shaking, that's how bad it was. I won't know my grades until next Wednesday, and I totally could still get an A in the class if I aced everything. That's highly, highly unlikely, but still. It's good to know, I guess.
So far, my experience in chemistry has drastically changed what I want to do with my life, and made me realize my faulty reasoning behind what I had previously wanted to do with my life. I thought I was good in chemistry. And truth be told, I still think I have the capacity to understand it fairly well, I really do. I just can't see myself doing this for another quarter, let alone the rest of my life if I become a pharmacist. I always thought my forte was in the sciences and math. I pwned in bio, chem, physics, calc in high school. But college is different... Here, if you don't like what you're doing, no matter how hard you try, it's not going to be as easy as if you like what you're doing. I've experienced that firsthand. I fooled myself into thinking that I like math and the sciences just because I was good at them. Being good at a subject and liking a subject are two completely different things. I honestly don't want anything to do with math or "hard" sciences anymore as far as taking classes goes.
I decided to change my major to Psychology. My Psych 10 class is amazing. It's so entertaining, and I look forward to reading and going to lecture, moreso than I've ever looked forward to anything school related. It intrigues me so much. I got a 48/50 on my midterm, which I'm very, very proud of because I studied my ass off for that too, and it actually paid off. The best part about the psychology major is that, after this quarter, I'm done with chemistry. Forever. I don't have to take any calculus classes. The only math class I have to take is stats, which, according to reviews on bruinwalk.com, is ridiculously easy. My only physics class is going to be watered down physics for people who don't like physics. The rest of the requirements are soooo interesting sounding! Intro to human evolution, the philosophy of the mind, etc... I'm really excited to get into those classes. I wish now that they offered more classes like that in high school, because I totally would have taken them. Had psychology not been a bullshit class at Mt. Carmel, I would've been down for it.
Alright, I have to cut this short. I'm off to my last midterm for interracial dynamics, which I'm feeling really good about. There's still a lot I have on my mind, but I'll save that for later.
They said that college is hard. They're right. College is a bitch and a half. I studied my ass off for two weeks, TWO WEEKS for my chemistry midterm last Tuesday. I did all of the past midterms, did all of the homework, everything. I have never studied for a test so hard in my life, literally. Come midterm day, I'm feeling pretty good. I take the midterm, and... what the fuck. There's random ass stuff on there I didn't even think about studying. I made stupid mistakes that I know cost me big points. But you know what really takes the bitchy cake? Ok, so I'm also enrolled in chem honors because I didn't think it would be that big a deal. I thought I could handle it. I knew my honors shit, and I knew it well. After I go through the midterm a second time, I get to the honors questions at the back. The TAs call out the 2 minute warning. I find that I skipped an entire page of honors questions. What. The. Fuck. I throw down my answers as fast as I can, just trying to get partial credit. I didn't finish in it, but I kept working until a TA specifically told me to stop. I was shaking, that's how bad it was. I won't know my grades until next Wednesday, and I totally could still get an A in the class if I aced everything. That's highly, highly unlikely, but still. It's good to know, I guess.
So far, my experience in chemistry has drastically changed what I want to do with my life, and made me realize my faulty reasoning behind what I had previously wanted to do with my life. I thought I was good in chemistry. And truth be told, I still think I have the capacity to understand it fairly well, I really do. I just can't see myself doing this for another quarter, let alone the rest of my life if I become a pharmacist. I always thought my forte was in the sciences and math. I pwned in bio, chem, physics, calc in high school. But college is different... Here, if you don't like what you're doing, no matter how hard you try, it's not going to be as easy as if you like what you're doing. I've experienced that firsthand. I fooled myself into thinking that I like math and the sciences just because I was good at them. Being good at a subject and liking a subject are two completely different things. I honestly don't want anything to do with math or "hard" sciences anymore as far as taking classes goes.
I decided to change my major to Psychology. My Psych 10 class is amazing. It's so entertaining, and I look forward to reading and going to lecture, moreso than I've ever looked forward to anything school related. It intrigues me so much. I got a 48/50 on my midterm, which I'm very, very proud of because I studied my ass off for that too, and it actually paid off. The best part about the psychology major is that, after this quarter, I'm done with chemistry. Forever. I don't have to take any calculus classes. The only math class I have to take is stats, which, according to reviews on bruinwalk.com, is ridiculously easy. My only physics class is going to be watered down physics for people who don't like physics. The rest of the requirements are soooo interesting sounding! Intro to human evolution, the philosophy of the mind, etc... I'm really excited to get into those classes. I wish now that they offered more classes like that in high school, because I totally would have taken them. Had psychology not been a bullshit class at Mt. Carmel, I would've been down for it.
Alright, I have to cut this short. I'm off to my last midterm for interracial dynamics, which I'm feeling really good about. There's still a lot I have on my mind, but I'll save that for later.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Homecoming
Here I am, sitting in my old room that really isn't mine anymore. There's the stuff I left behind, but my parents changed it around and it doesn't feel personal anymore. Is this my home or is UCLA my home now? I can't tell.
When I arrived last night, I was so happy to see everything that's familiar to me, and to experience the same old things I used to. I woke up the same way this morning. Right now, however, I remember why I wanted to get away from this place. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I'm very tired of my old routine. I'm glad to not be living here permanently, but that doesn't mean I don't love San Diego. I have two homes now I guess, I just like one more than the other haha. Alright time to read for Interracial Dynamics then get to bed...
P.S. I achieved the freshman -5 since school started. Yessss.
When I arrived last night, I was so happy to see everything that's familiar to me, and to experience the same old things I used to. I woke up the same way this morning. Right now, however, I remember why I wanted to get away from this place. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I'm very tired of my old routine. I'm glad to not be living here permanently, but that doesn't mean I don't love San Diego. I have two homes now I guess, I just like one more than the other haha. Alright time to read for Interracial Dynamics then get to bed...
P.S. I achieved the freshman -5 since school started. Yessss.
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