Wednesday, February 11, 2009


There are so many stressors in life and negativities that I tend to ruminate on that I forget to count my blessings. I really should be more thankful for the things I have, not the things I don't have.

At the past couple of queer-related club meetings I've been to, I've heard a lot of coming out stories (or not) and how hard it was for some people. That made me realize how easy I have it. I always thought, since coming out, that the world was past the whole outright discrimination phase. I didn't know of anybody who had a hard time coming out. My family and friends have all been very supportive of me, and I guess that's a treasure in itself.

I'm sure my situation was based on the fact that I live in San Diego, a relatively liberal city in relation to the rest of the country though conservative in respect to Los Angeles and other nothern cities. My church never condemned gays. They were accept them, but not necessarily their lifestyle. I can live with that. They accept everybody, but not their behaviors. Though I fundamentally disagree with the thought that homosexuality is a sin, blah blah blah, I really appreciate the fact that from their point of view, they don't accept the action, but accept the person. I'm that way too. Since coming to UCLA, my whole mindset on drugs and drug-users has changed. Before, if I found out that somebody I knew smoked pot, I would totally have shut them out and saw them very negatively. Now I know, though, that that's only one aspect of a person's character... I still don't agree with it, but that doesn't mean I can't like the person overall.

The climate at my high school was very tolerant. I know for a fact that if anybody ever gave me shit for being who I am, there would be a respectable backlash against them. I'm not even talking about my closest friends. Whenever the subject of homosexuality came up in conversation and somebody said anything remotely close to "Homosexuality is a sin, gays are going to hell," etc., everybody else would automatically turn on them. I'm thankful for that, though I feel bad for that person because they just believe what they believe. I don't think anybody should be persecuted for that, even if it's a belief I don't agree with. Well, usually, anyways.

Why is it so easy to focus on the negative? It's probably because I'm so accustomed to the positive. I take for granted my loving family, my dear friends, the fact that I'm at a good school, the fact that I'm generally very happy. It's really easy to lose sight of the big picture and focus on the small things, like getting a C on a midterm. It's not even that bad! With the multiple choice factored in, I got an 88.5% overall. That's great. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

One of my favorite quotes from The Last Lecture is that experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. That's something I've lived my life by starting a couple of years ago, and as time goes by, I just realize more how true that statement is. I ended my pledge period with DLP. I forced myself out of my comfort zone to rush, then accept the bid, and I'm glad I did. The experience was not what I expected it to be, and not necessarily in a good or bad way. I felt like what they offered is not what I want in my life. Yeah, I could look back and say that my involvement with DLP was a complete waste of time. But through a different lens, I now have a clearer picture of who I am, by learning who I am not.

Alright, enough with the deep stuff. I'm reading Twilight and I love it so far. But why, why, why must Edward be a vampire? Why can't real, human guys be like him? Or at least, why can't I find one who is? I had a big disappointment last weekend... but I set myself up for it, I guess. Whatever, I have a lot on my plate already and a relationship would just add to that. A boyfriend would be nice though...

Maybe all I have to say is deep stuff. Now I can't think of anything shallower to say. I'll update when I do.