Tuesday, August 26, 2008


I've only been on a real vacation maybe 5 times in my life. Once in kindergarten when my family took a road trip to Oklahoma to visit my uncle for Christmas when he was stationed there, Virginia with my mom and sister freshman year, and Hawai'i later that year. Or was Virginia during sophomore year? I can't remember, it wasn't that memorable. Anyways, needless to say, this past vacation has been a long time coming. It was only two days in the Palm Springs area, but still, I really needed it to break the monotony of life. I rarely ever travel, which is sad. My mom, brother, and sister went to the Philippines over winter break two years ago, then Australia last year. Honestly, wtf. My mom owes me big time for that still.

Anyways, we started off late as usual. I think the biggest reason I hate being late is beause my family is always late. My dad seriously has the worst sense of time ever. He always says he needs my help for 10 minutes or that a task will only take an hour, but 95% of the time he will be off by at least 50% of what he said. And in general my family is slow... They're slow to change, slow to make decisions, slow to understand, slow to basically everything. Except me, I like things fast and to the point. Looking from the outside, I really am the odd one out in my family, and that's pretty much how I like it. I don't want to be like them. Back to my vacation recap. Drove up to Palm Desert, nothing exciting about the trip. There was no traffic since it was Sunday afternoon and we were driving to the middle of nowhere. I would hate to live in one of those desert cities because there is absolutely nothing to do but bake yourself and pray your a/c doesn't die on you. It's perfect for a short vacation though.

After we checked in at our hotel in Palm Desert, we went to Palm Springs to ride the aerial tram. Supposedly it's the largest one of its kind in the world, blah blah blah. It was fun, not really exciting though. There were little "bumps" in the ride up and down when the track we were on would change it's steepness, and everybody freaked out at all of them. They were nothing to get excited about. The top of the mountain, Mt. San Jacinto, was pretty. It was about 30 degrees cooler than the desert below, so that was a relief. There were squirrels everywhere that fed off of the tourists eating at the restaurant. Our waiter was a dick, btw, so we gave him a small tip. After we came back down from the mountain, we decided to rest in the hotel because my mom and sister were sleepy. I just watched an episode of Heroes online via Netflix because the TV sucked in that room haha. Then it was time for dinner... We looked in the tour guide map thing for nearby restaurants and saw there was a Cheesecake Factory nearby. None of us had ever gone, so we decided to go there. That was quite possibly the best decision I've made in a long time haha. It was SO good. I shared an order of Bang-Bang chicken and shrimp with my mom. I half ordered it for the name hahaha. My brother got this burger made of a certain kind of beef we saw on tv once on the travel channel. It comes from Japan where they massage the cattle and give them beer to drink so they're really spoiled, and apparently it makes them very tender. And of course since it was the Cheesecake Factory, we all got cheesecake. I pretty much died and went to heaven. We all got something different and they decorated my mom's plate because it was her birthday. I was pretty much full to bursting by the end of the day but whatever, I haven't had a vacation in forever and it was about time I celebrated all of the weight I lost over the past several months. I usually don't look forward to my birthday because nothing special really happens since my family is lame and I don't want my friends to meet them so we never have parties. Even if I wanted a party, my family would cheap out and it would just be lame all the same, so whatever. But this year I'm actually excited... I want to go to the Cheesecake Factory again haha.

Buuut I have jury duty 3 days after my birthday. Lame. It was supposed to be on September 12th, that's when I got my summons for, but obviously that is not good timing because I move in at UCLA on the 19th. If I got assigned to a case or anything, all of my plans would be thrown into uncertainty, and that's not something I want. I'll do my civic duty, but will I sacrifice the first week of the most important years of my life? That's a big fuck no. So here's how I except things to happen... December 11th is my last final, and December 12th is the last day of finals, so there'll be two reasons to celebrate that night. I'll either leave for home on the 13th or 14th because I need to be back on the 15th in San Diego for my jury duty thing. Yeah, I hope that all works out.

Well now my vacation's over and it's time to jump back on th wagon and make up for all of the naughty food I ate on those two days. This was a boring post, but what can I say? I have a boring life. For now. 24 days and I'm out of here!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

All Time Low

Why did I do that? I've come a long way, a really long way. I still have a little ways to go, but it's nothing compared to how long I've already come. I know it's wrong, and I did it in a state of panic, but still... it's wrong. I won't ever do that again. I'll mark today as my all time low, and I will never allow myself to drop this far again. I'm getting back on that train and I'm not getting off until I reach my destination. If you're reading this, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'll look back at this in a couple of months and then maybe I'll explain fully...

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

I haven't been updating this as much as I should be, and maybe that's why my life has a fairly unsatisfactory sense around it.

Sitting. It's basically what I do during the day. This summer is so incredibly boring and long. I'm really jealous of all of my friends who are starting school within a week or so. Me? I have another month to rot in San Diego, doing nothing. Here's a typical day in my life. Wake up, the latest at 8:00 because of my freakishly punctual internal clock. Eat breakfast. Watch tv for an hour or so while I digest. Go to the gym for about 45 minutes. Come home, shower. Eat my post-workout snack. Sit in my room either watching movies or reading until lunch. Eat lunch. Watch tv/read/play video games until around 3ish. Eat afternoon snack. Nap/read/tv/video games until dinner. Dinner. Computer time is dispersed randomly throughout the day, by the way. But yeah, that's pretty much what I do unless I have plans with friends. I have to live like this for another freaking month... ugh! I wish I had a job. Not only do I want spending money, I just want a purpose. I'm not going all emo like aahhh life has no meaning, I just have nothing that needs to be done. Time flies not only when you're having fun, but when you're occupied. I'm not occupied. As interesting and riveting as watching Heroes is, I'd rather only have to watch one episode a day to entertain myself as opposed to several.

Speaking of Heroes, that show got me thinking a lot. It's been a while since a show really captivated me like that, and I was just thinking about why. Of course, the drama element is a big part of why because shows with struggling single mothers on the run from mobsters who happen to have a split personality, the other personality being a murdered sister from decades ago who have super strength and super evilness tend to catch people's attentions. But on the side, it's just the thought of being special, being different. I've always been different. I don't try to be, I just be, and that happens to be different. I remember growing up I was always different. Shy, fat, no guy friends, different in as many ways as possible from the norm. Thank God high school changed that. Actually high school didn't change that, it just made it more acceptable. Acceptable to me, in particular. I went from the mindset of "Oh my gosh I'm different and I have to hide it" to "Fuck it, being me makes me happy so that's what I'm going to do." It's worked out wonderfully, I must say. I do things my way, and that still happens to be different most of the time, but everything works out in the end. Variety is the spice of life, and God seems to have had that specific notion in mind when He made me.

I visited with friends during band camp today. I love them all to death and there's nothing that can change the happy memories I made with them or how I feel about them, but there's still that inherent wall that separates us now. We're not together all the time, we're not experiencing the same things at the same times anymore. I have to be filled in on their inside jokes and everytime we meet again I feel like it's always catch up time. But that's how it is, you know? That's how it's going to be. One of the best indicators of whether or not two people will become friends and stay friends is proximity and consistency. I don't have that anymore with my old friends, and you know what? It doesn't hurt me as much as I thought it would. Is this maturity? I guess I like it. I'm not thinking of replacing them, because that just can never happen, but I guess I find solace in the fact that I will be living with a whole new group of peers within... a month, really, and we'll be taking the proximity factor to a whole new level. Taking classes, watching tv, hanging out, studying, eating, exercising, talking... all of these things, with new people.

This brings me to another thought I've been having lately. In high school, band was always like my social security blanket. I could always make a new friend easily if they were also in band, because that was an instant connection, one that included a myriad of experiences we both went through. Now that I've decided that the band part of my life is pretty much over, who will I be? A bando, not anymore. A smart Asian? That describes half of the student body at UCLA. Maybe I'm thinking about this the wrong way. Going into high school, all of those superficial notions of cliques and exclusive groups of friends went away. For me, at least, they did. College must be just like that, but on a larger scale. Nobody knows anybody, really. Of course we have friends from high school, but the chances that we'll be living together or taking the same classes is slim. Of the six or so other MCHS alumni I know are going to UCLA, none of them are on my floor and I don't have classes with any of them. I'm not sad about that, I'm really grateful for the opportunity to be thrown outside my comfort zone. Everybody else will be forced out that way, too. This will be another chance to reinvent myself, as I have done so many times in the past. Actually, I don't like that phrasing. I don't reinvent myself, I just let myself be more true to... well, myself.

I think that's enough ranting, and maybe it's close enough to covering all of the times I didn't blog. Most of those times can be summed up in my typical day formula though, so whatevs. Peace out.

BTW, Enchanted is my new favorite movie! I wish I had the power t0 summon cute woodland creatures and make them do bitch work for me like clean the house...