Saturday, October 25, 2008


Here I am, sitting in my old room that really isn't mine anymore. There's the stuff I left behind, but my parents changed it around and it doesn't feel personal anymore. Is this my home or is UCLA my home now? I can't tell.

When I arrived last night, I was so happy to see everything that's familiar to me, and to experience the same old things I used to. I woke up the same way this morning. Right now, however, I remember why I wanted to get away from this place. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I'm very tired of my old routine. I'm glad to not be living here permanently, but that doesn't mean I don't love San Diego. I have two homes now I guess, I just like one more than the other haha. Alright time to read for Interracial Dynamics then get to bed...

P.S. I achieved the freshman -5 since school started. Yessss.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Looking back, that was just one of those days. I haven't felt that depressed and disappointed in myself in a very long time. I'm glad it happened though, because it reminds me that life isn't all fluffiness and pretty pictures. Sometimes you do stupid things without thinking about them.

Sometimes stupid things happen to you for no reason, either. I was so happy for a couple of hours that day, and it seemed to make my earlier disappoints just disappear. But then I was met with more disappointment and it just made my day all the more horrible.

I still haven't reached that one goal I set over the summer. I have time, it's only Week 3, but still... I'm just thinking about how much easier life would be if I could reach it, you know? I was so close to get started on it that day... At least I fooled myself into believing so. Oh well, I just have to stay positive and know that it'll come with time.

Monday, October 13, 2008


Ok, I can't say I didn't except to see this coming. I have some things I have to get off of my chest.

I took my first chemistry quiz earlier today. I don't feel I did well on it at all. The reasons I came up with for my failure to succeed are:
~I did not recognize all of the material I had available to review with
~I lulled myself into a false sense of security by assuming the quiz was exactly like the practice quiz
~I was plain not prepared well enough

I knew college was difficult, I've been told that several times. So far, I thought I was adjusting well and that everything was going smoothly. It had been, truthfully. But this is my reality check... things aren't as easy as I want them to be. Luckily for me, my chemistry class is structured to grant a second chance to people like me who didn't know what to expect. If I get 40/40 on the prep quizzes, that 40/40 will replace my lowest quiz score. I'm expecting a 25/40 at least on this first quiz. Looking at this situation from an optimist's view, I'm getting more bang for my buck! Haha there it is, I found my optimism.

After I realized how stupid I was, I beat myself up over it. This problem was a simple plug-in, that one problem was much simpler than I made it out to be, blah blah. Yeah, I'll be the first to admit that my performance on that quiz was probably the worst I have ever performed on any examination. It was downright dreadful. It will probably haunt me until the end of the quarter when I find out my real score, since the scores will be adjusted for the class averages. But you know, why can't I put a positive spin on this? I know what to expect now, and I recognize the various materials available to help me that I did not recognize before. Is there a reason I shouldn't get two 40/40 scores on the remaining quizzes, and ace the midterm and final? No, I can do it. I'm not saying I'm going to or that it's likely to happen, but I just really need to reassure myself that though I've fallen, there's still hope to get back up to speed.

I can do this. College is hard, but I think I've done a fairly decent job in my life so far to prove that I am a hard worker. I can do this, I will succeed. I will try to get that 4.0 first quarter, but if not, let this be the testament to say that I tried.

It's always darkest before the dawn.

I'm off to do chemistry homework. I'm going to put the ho in gung-ho!

Sunday, October 5, 2008


I'm just waiting for Jessica to finish getting ready so we can go down to brunch, so... let me tell you about my day yesterday. Umm... what happened first? Oh yeah I woke up around 9:00, got ready, then went down to breakfast at 9:45. I hate how the dining hall doesn't open until 9:30 on weekends. I'm totally a breakfast person, it's probably my favorite meal of the day. For the past few days I've been getting two biscuits with a drizzle of honey. Mmmm. I don't think I could get tired of that. Anyways, after I got that beezy Regan up, we were off to Westwood. We went to Urban Outfitters because she wanted a new shirt for a party that night. I was her fashion advisor, you could say. It was totally gay. I was happy haha.

Lunch was an interesting event. We were going to eat at this French cafe and feel like swanky college students, but the line was really long and the place was packed so we decided to try it another time. We went to Damon & Pythias next... sounds Greek, right? It wasn't. It was just a regular sandwich shop. So we went next door to Falafel King, thinking Middle Eastern food was sounding good just about then. It SUCKED. $8.00 for a freaking sandwich which was bland and/or chalky and definitely gross. I don't see how that place stays in business. I got water in a cup because I didn't want to buy bottled, which was also a mistake. Water should not have a distinct taste. After 3 bites I was done with that garbage, so we went to Diddy Riese instead. A quarter of the price and an infinite times better quality in a $1.50 ice cream sandwich. Chocolate chip cookies + cookie dough ice cream = bliss.

Afterwards I got back and took a nap for a bit... then went down to Ackerman to buy my dinner in advance because I didn't want to get ripped off at the football game again. I was happy because I found that they have my favorite healthy muffins! I also got a Luna Bar. That's right, I ignored the fact that it's "for women". Take that, advertising companies. I don't adhere to the gender discrimination in your strategies. After that I went to line up at the buses because I needed to get an extra ticket because I didn't know you had to buy them by Thursday. I met some new friends in line and we were lucky enough to get on a bus. Boring ride over. Luna Bars are not only sexist but don't taste very good.

The game was exciting! We finally won! I met up with Jessica, Kyle, Vasko, and a new dude, Zishan, but we were sitting much further back than before. The spirit was definitely dampened in that area. I was still cheering and chanting, but it was disappointing after being in the middle of all of the excitement at the last game. Oh well. After the game we piled into Jessica's roommate's car, which was not a good idea at all. My legs started falling asleep and we were all jammed in the back. I got through it because I imagined it was somebody else's arm around me hahaha. Then we went to Diddy Riese... my third time in a day, but I only bought a sandwich once, so yay me. We walked back, I took a shower, went to sleep, and here I am. Hurry up Jessica! Gosh. I'm starving.