Depth

It's amazing how much dimension a person can have, and you can never know about. I've learned some things about people I never would have guessed about them, ever. It made me think about the things about myself that nobody would be able to guess, unless I told them. Is everybody like that? I'm sure they are. It's all too easy to write off somebody as being just another wannabe gangster or some nerd. There's so much more to (most) people than we really think about. But then again, there are some people who are flat, with not much depth to them. But even still... you can never describe somebody easily. Even the dullest people I have met aren't as shallow as I initially thought they were. It's surprising when people prove you wrong in that aspect. Everybody has hidden motives and thoughts, as paranoid as that sounds. The best part is when they're willing to open up and share those thoughts. It shows so much trust. Trust that the confidante will not judge you for who you are, how you think, or what you've experienced. I hope I can find more people like that.

Somehow, whenever I reflect on anything having to do with my social life, it leads to thoughts about college. I'm still scared I won't have anything in common with anybody. I'm pretty sure I want to quit band after high school. It's been a great four years, but I want to try different things. However, band has been, without a doubt, the reason I have the friends I do today. It's an instant common interest with people that leads to conversations, which leads to friendships, which lead to happiness. If I give that up, what else will I have in common with people? It'll be much harder for me to find people like me. Come to think about it, I never had to try to find people like me. Bandos were just always there.

I'm all to familiar with the difficulties of not having much in common with a group of people. In a certain club... I just don't have the same interests with the majority of the people involved. I'm not blaming anybody. If it's anybody's fault, it's mine for sticking around for so long. But I'm a person who finishes what they start. It was fine in the beginning, but once certain people left, I was left alone. It's ok though, everything's working out fine. I'm just not really into it. I'd rather just stay where I'm at for the rest of the year than try to change anything, especially since I only have around seven months left in San Diego.

I can already feel some of my connections breaking off. It's like a prelude of something horrible to come. The closeness just isn't there anymore. But then again, the connections that do remain strong are the ones worth cherishing, right? The ones that don't... well, they were nice while they lasted, at least. I wonder if anybody else is as nervous/excited/anxious about living somewhere else as I am. I'm looking for a fresh start, but I still worry about leaving everybody back in San Diego. Obviously everybody makes new friends and moves on, and everything's alright. But still, the thought of not being as close with the people I am with now disturbs me. Anyways, it's better to live in the now. Enjoy my time here while it lasts, and when it's time to move on, that's what I'll do.

I will be pissed if I get my acceptance/rejection letters on March 31.