Sporadic

Now that I actually have time on my hands this quarter, I think I'll try to be less sporadic when I'm updating this thing. I learned in my writing class that fluency is really important to writing. Maybe that's why writing essays was so easy for me during elementary and middle school. I would just write down whatever came to my mind on that subject, and barely edited the results. That cut it back then, but of course it won't cut it now. Still, I really enjoy this freewriting technique.

As this new quarter came about, I realized that I had not yet accomplished many of the goals I set out to accomplish last quarter. While I made many, many new friends, I didn't feel particularly close to anybody. Looking back, I relied too much on my old friends from high school for comfort. That's not to say that I should not turn to them, but I think that the comfort they provided made it hard for me to throw myself out there and get to know my floormates and classmates better. I think I've really taken great strides in this department, however. I've made an effort to hang out with my floormates more, and I'm starting to feel much more at home here in the hall. Not that I didn't before, but you get me.

I'm also trying my best to surround myself with like-minded people. That's partly why I decided to pledge DLP, because we all have a common ground. It's kind of like band, how one common element can bring a very diverse group of people together. Seriously, this group is pretty diverse. I'm really excited to be a part of this frat though. I really like what I've seen so far.

I want to get a job. I have so much free time during the day, I could totally take on 10 hours/week easily. I hope one pops up on ASUCLA soon. I don't want to go for anything that pays less than $9.25/hour though... stupid Luvalle never called me back. Oh well, that's life.

So far I've clocked in 22.5 hour into Tales of Symphonia. This game is epic. I love it.

Let's see... what else have I been up to? Not much aside from school, friends, and gaming. My schedule this quarter is much easier than last quarter. I'm so glad I'm done with chemistry forever! So far LS1 has been pretty chill. My TA is kind of a nazi because he wants 3-5 page lab reports, but we turn them in as groups of 3, so it's not too bad. His first quiz was kind of a bitch though. Only 5 points, but the questions were like "circle all that apply" and there was no partial credit, so one wrong answer loses the whole point for you. That's kind of stupid. Physics 10 is incredibly easy so far, just review of mechanics stuff. I'll actually have to read the book after next week though, when we leave mechanics and go into stuff that I haven't seen before in AP. Oh well, shouldn't be too hard. Our textbook was written for people who have never had physics so it's very simple.

I'm really enjoying my writing class. I learned today that there's only 3 first years in the class of 18, and the professor said that it was unusual since first years don't usually take the course. It's really fun though. I loved the literature we read so far, all about Cinderella. The literary analysis that goes with it is so deep, too. For instance, in my paper I talked about how in the Grimm Brothers' version of the fairy tale, the stepsisters cut off parts of their feet in order to fit into Cinderella's slipper and fool the prince. This represents the need to conform to social conventions, and how we hurt ourselves by trying to force ourselves to be something we're not. Pretty deep for a fairy tale, isn' it?

K I'm done. I'll update again soonish.

Updates

1. I'm coming home either on Tuesday or Wednesday. Yay!

2. I think I'm crushing on a taken guy of ambiguous sexuality.

:[

Amygdala

Here's some application from my psych 10 class. Amygdala is Greek for almond. It's a part of our brains that's associated with fear, as well as smell. I can smell the fires. Due to context-dependent learning, it's easier to remember things when you're in the same environmental conditions as when you encoded the memory. I'm getting apprehensive now...

Oh well, it's partying and clubbing for me tonight!

Where do I start?

I have so, so much to blog about. A lot of things have happened to me since my last post, and I mean a lot.

They said that college is hard. They're right. College is a bitch and a half. I studied my ass off for two weeks, TWO WEEKS for my chemistry midterm last Tuesday. I did all of the past midterms, did all of the homework, everything. I have never studied for a test so hard in my life, literally. Come midterm day, I'm feeling pretty good. I take the midterm, and... what the fuck. There's random ass stuff on there I didn't even think about studying. I made stupid mistakes that I know cost me big points. But you know what really takes the bitchy cake? Ok, so I'm also enrolled in chem honors because I didn't think it would be that big a deal. I thought I could handle it. I knew my honors shit, and I knew it well. After I go through the midterm a second time, I get to the honors questions at the back. The TAs call out the 2 minute warning. I find that I skipped an entire page of honors questions. What. The. Fuck. I throw down my answers as fast as I can, just trying to get partial credit. I didn't finish in it, but I kept working until a TA specifically told me to stop. I was shaking, that's how bad it was. I won't know my grades until next Wednesday, and I totally could still get an A in the class if I aced everything. That's highly, highly unlikely, but still. It's good to know, I guess.

So far, my experience in chemistry has drastically changed what I want to do with my life, and made me realize my faulty reasoning behind what I had previously wanted to do with my life. I thought I was good in chemistry. And truth be told, I still think I have the capacity to understand it fairly well, I really do. I just can't see myself doing this for another quarter, let alone the rest of my life if I become a pharmacist. I always thought my forte was in the sciences and math. I pwned in bio, chem, physics, calc in high school. But college is different... Here, if you don't like what you're doing, no matter how hard you try, it's not going to be as easy as if you like what you're doing. I've experienced that firsthand. I fooled myself into thinking that I like math and the sciences just because I was good at them. Being good at a subject and liking a subject are two completely different things. I honestly don't want anything to do with math or "hard" sciences anymore as far as taking classes goes.

I decided to change my major to Psychology. My Psych 10 class is amazing. It's so entertaining, and I look forward to reading and going to lecture, moreso than I've ever looked forward to anything school related. It intrigues me so much. I got a 48/50 on my midterm, which I'm very, very proud of because I studied my ass off for that too, and it actually paid off. The best part about the psychology major is that, after this quarter, I'm done with chemistry. Forever. I don't have to take any calculus classes. The only math class I have to take is stats, which, according to reviews on bruinwalk.com, is ridiculously easy. My only physics class is going to be watered down physics for people who don't like physics. The rest of the requirements are soooo interesting sounding! Intro to human evolution, the philosophy of the mind, etc... I'm really excited to get into those classes. I wish now that they offered more classes like that in high school, because I totally would have taken them. Had psychology not been a bullshit class at Mt. Carmel, I would've been down for it.

Alright, I have to cut this short. I'm off to my last midterm for interracial dynamics, which I'm feeling really good about. There's still a lot I have on my mind, but I'll save that for later.

Homecoming

Here I am, sitting in my old room that really isn't mine anymore. There's the stuff I left behind, but my parents changed it around and it doesn't feel personal anymore. Is this my home or is UCLA my home now? I can't tell.

When I arrived last night, I was so happy to see everything that's familiar to me, and to experience the same old things I used to. I woke up the same way this morning. Right now, however, I remember why I wanted to get away from this place. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I'm very tired of my old routine. I'm glad to not be living here permanently, but that doesn't mean I don't love San Diego. I have two homes now I guess, I just like one more than the other haha. Alright time to read for Interracial Dynamics then get to bed...

P.S. I achieved the freshman -5 since school started. Yessss.

Bait

Looking back, that was just one of those days. I haven't felt that depressed and disappointed in myself in a very long time. I'm glad it happened though, because it reminds me that life isn't all fluffiness and pretty pictures. Sometimes you do stupid things without thinking about them.

Sometimes stupid things happen to you for no reason, either. I was so happy for a couple of hours that day, and it seemed to make my earlier disappoints just disappear. But then I was met with more disappointment and it just made my day all the more horrible.

I still haven't reached that one goal I set over the summer. I have time, it's only Week 3, but still... I'm just thinking about how much easier life would be if I could reach it, you know? I was so close to get started on it that day... At least I fooled myself into believing so. Oh well, I just have to stay positive and know that it'll come with time.

Unload

Ok, I can't say I didn't except to see this coming. I have some things I have to get off of my chest.

I took my first chemistry quiz earlier today. I don't feel I did well on it at all. The reasons I came up with for my failure to succeed are:
~I did not recognize all of the material I had available to review with
~I lulled myself into a false sense of security by assuming the quiz was exactly like the practice quiz
~I was plain not prepared well enough

I knew college was difficult, I've been told that several times. So far, I thought I was adjusting well and that everything was going smoothly. It had been, truthfully. But this is my reality check... things aren't as easy as I want them to be. Luckily for me, my chemistry class is structured to grant a second chance to people like me who didn't know what to expect. If I get 40/40 on the prep quizzes, that 40/40 will replace my lowest quiz score. I'm expecting a 25/40 at least on this first quiz. Looking at this situation from an optimist's view, I'm getting more bang for my buck! Haha there it is, I found my optimism.

After I realized how stupid I was, I beat myself up over it. This problem was a simple plug-in, that one problem was much simpler than I made it out to be, blah blah. Yeah, I'll be the first to admit that my performance on that quiz was probably the worst I have ever performed on any examination. It was downright dreadful. It will probably haunt me until the end of the quarter when I find out my real score, since the scores will be adjusted for the class averages. But you know, why can't I put a positive spin on this? I know what to expect now, and I recognize the various materials available to help me that I did not recognize before. Is there a reason I shouldn't get two 40/40 scores on the remaining quizzes, and ace the midterm and final? No, I can do it. I'm not saying I'm going to or that it's likely to happen, but I just really need to reassure myself that though I've fallen, there's still hope to get back up to speed.

I can do this. College is hard, but I think I've done a fairly decent job in my life so far to prove that I am a hard worker. I can do this, I will succeed. I will try to get that 4.0 first quarter, but if not, let this be the testament to say that I tried.

It's always darkest before the dawn.

I'm off to do chemistry homework. I'm going to put the ho in gung-ho!